Kill me now

Did I mention our house is going to be on our neighborhood Christmas tour of homes?
Oh joy. Oh dread. Oh damn.
And why did I agree to this insanity? Because, dear reader, I need a deadline. The tour chairman called me way back in March, to ask if we would put the house on tour.
And as I put it to Mr. Mary Kay–“well, that will give us a deadline to get all those nagging little projects done.” And in a not-so-rare moment of insanity, we agreed.
So I drew up this long laundry list of projects, and we’ve been working towards completion. And now the tour is less than a month away, and I’m starting to get those middle-of-the-night anxiety dreams. Many of you have asked about the kitchen project. It’s very near completion. Bob the Builder has sworn on his skillsaw that he’ll have the awesome new cupboard done shortly before or after Thanksgiving. Other than that, it really looks great. The downstairs bathroom has swell new black and cream wallpaper, a chalky blue ceiling that exactly matches the funky 1940s blue tile, the old black and gold tole chandelier I had in the downstairs powder room in raleigh, and some spiffy antique french sconces. Also new crown moulding. The master bath has an elegant new creamy marble vanity top and a new tile backsplash. The big new mirrored medicine cabinet is wall-mounted, altho not complete. The tortoise-shell bamboo shades are up in my office. But, as with any extended project,little things keep happening. Like–the fabric for the armchairs in the living room turned out to be back-ordered and not due in til December. So we switched fabrics. And THAT
stuff was ten days late arriving here, so my upholsterer is in a swivet. And then some fabric for the living and dining room drapes came in-and was deeply, nastily flawed. And, of course, there is no more of this red and cream check to be had in the Western Hemisphere. So we had to run out and pick out some other, not nearly as cool red and cream check. And Bob the Builder put in the backsplash upstairs, but we are exactly one and a half pieces of tile short. So that had to be ordered from California. Due here Monday. And the sweet bamboo shades I ordered for my office? Turns out 2 of the windows are 2 inches bigger than the other windows, so I had to order two more shades. Which they swear will be here before Thanksgiving. And then I didn’t buy enuf lampshades for the chandleliers (yes, chandeliers plural. My design philosphy is more is better)so now I have to schlep over to Lamp Arts, which is on the dreaded traffic-snarled Howell Mill Road to buy 2 more shades. I’d been calling my interior designer for a couple days, and he hadn’t returned my calls. And then, this morning when I called, I got the recording that says the number’s been disconnected. And yes, I nearly lost it. I’d mentally composed the message I planned to scatch into the paint on his car: I’M OFF MY MEDS, I HAVE ACCESS TO FIREARMS AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Fortunately, this was not necessary. Turns out he’d called last night while I was at a book-signing. He has not moved and changed his phone number. He is on top of everything. Which is good. Because, did I mention that I have access to firearms? And oh yes, the link to the tour of homes thingy, should you want to come over and laugh yourself silly at my decor–which could be described as eclectic excess meets five-and-dime festivity. Avondale Tour of Homes