What the hell rhymes with Mayonnaise?

My friend Jacky, who’s known me for over 30 years, sent me a link to the Duke’s Mayonnaise website because they are having a jingle-writing contest in honor of their 90th anniversary. “You love Duke’s, and you’re a writer,” she reasoned. “I bet you could write a prize-winning jingle.”

Yeah. Not so much. I do love me some Duke’s. In fact, it was the product that converted me from a life-long mayo-naysayer to a mayo-savorer. Wait! Could I use that in a jingle? Probably not. I was able to come up with a couple verses, sung to the tune of the Green Acres theme song:

Duke’s Mayo is the spread for me!
No other mayo can there be..

And then I’m stuck. The contest rules suggest that jingle writers refer to the noteworthy attributes of Duke’s Mayo, which would include adjectives like creamy, tangy, smooth, home-made, ect. Alas, they don’t allow jingles sung to the tune of copywrited material, which pretty much puts the kibosh to my Green Acres-inspired ditty. In my lengthy writing career I’ve penned newspaper and magazine articles, novels, short stories, even a couple of mystery dinner theater plays. But never a song. I don’t actually know how to write music. Sigh. I guess this means my picture won’t be turning up on the side of Duke’s jars all over the country. What a shame.
I’m still holding out hope that someday, the suits at Dukes will get how much of their mayo I’ve sold, due to the popularity of my Beyond the Grave Chicken Salad recipe, which is printed in the back of LITTLE BITTY LIES. The recipe calls for using Duke’s mayo. I get emails all the time from readers who’ve never heard of Duke’s, asking if they can substitute another brand mayo. They can, of course, but to me, nothing beats Dukes.

Duke’s Mayo is the spread for me–No other mayo can there be..

Salads, sandwiches, even Fre–en-nch fri-eyes,

Nothing but Dukes on my table will sa-tis-fy.
See? I’m sticking to writing novels. It’s lots easier.
P.S. If you’re reading this and you’re the president of the C.F. Sauer Company, which makes this fine product, let me just say that I am not opposed to free Mayo. Not at all.

2 thoughts on “What the hell rhymes with Mayonnaise?”

  1. Dukes…..mmmmmmmmmm….

    Excuse me while I wipe away the drool. I haven’t had Duke’s in a coons age.

    Which leads me to ask have you ever had Home made Mayo?

  2. When I was living in Atlanta , one of my friends moved in with me for a few months while she was figuring out her life. Karen was from Columbus, GA and SWORE by Duke’s. I had never heard of this, but after 6 months of only using Dukes, I’m hooked for life. I currently use Dukes Light, same great taste, just a little bit better for us. I have two jars in my refrig as we speak. I may need to blog about my love of Dukes as well sometime soon! But no jingle writing for me!

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