From a hotel room in Tennessee

I’m officially on the road for the re-release of BLUE CHRISTMAS. Friday I flew to Detroit and then Saturday I gave a talk at a library fund-raiser in Grosse Point Farms. This is a verrry chi-chi town. The only thing I knew about it was that darkly comic movie Grosse Point Blank with John Cusack. The fund-raiser was held in a beautiful 1910 building, the War Memorial, which sits right on rolling green lawns on Lake Michigan. At least–I think it was Lake Michigan. Also on the lunch program were mystery writers Nevada Barr and Stuart Kaminsky. A swell time was had by all. I didn’t know if I’d have any readers as far away as Grosse Point Farms, but turns out I do. As I said in my talk, I write about women. Although I’m from the South and have never lived outside the South, I believe that underneath all our big hair and Lee Press-On nails, we’re just like those gals up north. Bless our hearts!
On the way back to the airport, I had the driver cruise up and down the streets, but tragically, there were no estate sale signs anywhere to be found. I hung around the Detroit airport for four hours waiting for my flight. I discovered the Northwest Admiral Club–score! They have a fireplace and cheese and crackers and serve-yourself bar. As I was getting on a plane–either in Atlanta or Detroit, I overheard a guy in front of me talking on his cellphone. Here’s what he said: “I been drinking in the lounge for a couple hours, and now I gotta piss like a racehorse. But I never use the bathrooms on planes. Instead, I got a plastic bag with me. I’ll just get me one of those blue blankets…..” Can I just say EEEEEWWWWWW! Can you imagine sitting next to this bizarro?
Then today I went to the Women’s Expo sponsored by the Kingsport, Tenn. paper. They had all these vendors selling perfume and makeup and Pampered Chef stuff, ect. And a whole bunch of authors. In between selling and signing books, I got to looking at the booth opposite ours. These women were selling these fat-wrap systems. And they had a show special–$20 for a tummy wrap. You know I totally went for it. Of course they advertise that you can lose 4 inches in 4 hours or something. Personally, I think it’s probably a bunch of hooey. But I’ll try anything once. So I’ve got this swath of herb-soaked goo wrapped around my belly, and that’s wrapped with Saran wrap. And when I walk it sounds like I’m wearing Depends. But I’m totally counting on having my pants zip a little looser tomorrow. So later on I waddled over to the Belks’ booth and had some Clinique makeup slapped on. I bought some new eyeshadow and got myself made up with full-tilt spackle. So now I’m wearing my herb depends and I’ve got great make-up, and I’m sitting in my hotel room watching chick flicks on TBS. Pretty soon I’ll dial up some room service dinner and startle the waiter with my beauty. Not a bad life. Tomorrow–off to New York.